What Is a Personal Attendant for a Wedding? And Who Should You Ask To Be One?
Have you been excitedly thinking about who you will ask to be in your wedding party? Maybe people from your high school friend group, childhood best friends, college besties, your siblings, or cousins. You may have also heard about brides having a personal attendant (also called a bridal assistant).
What does a personal attendant do at your wedding? Do you need to have one? Is a personal attendant a bridesmaid? Who should you ask to be your personal attendant? We’re explaining it all so you can decide!
Lyndsay’s wedding party and personal attendant // Erin Rae Photography
What is the difference between a bridesmaid and a personal attendant?
A bridesmaid/bridesman/bridesperson is someone who you appoint to be a part of your wedding party.
Let’s first say this, you don’t even need to have a wedding party. However, having bridesmaids/bridesmen/groomspeople/party people is a fun way to add a support system on your wedding day and to honor your closest friends! These are the people who will keep you cool, calm, and collected — and hyped up and having the best time on such a special day!
The morning of your wedding can get very hectic, very fast. Obviously, making your day stress-free will be important to your wedding party, but, with so many moving parts, everyone is going to be busy doing their own thing; they also have to get dressed, sit for hair and makeup, prep for photos, etc, which means they just won’t be able to dedicate 100% of their attention to you. That is why you might consider a personal attendant.
A personal attendant is someone you designate to help you throughout your wedding day from getting ready through your grand exit!
They are technically not part of the wedding party. For lack of a better comparison, think of this person a bit like a nanny; their role is to make sure you are taken care of. They are there to alleviate your stress by supporting you with anything you might need on the day of your wedding.
So, what sort of things will your personal attendant do? Whatever they can to help you out!
What does a personal attendant do at your wedding? How are they different from a wedding planner?
First things first — we’ve seen quite a few posts about how a personal attendant can replace your wedding planner… In a word, no. A personal attendant is a *personal* attendant — they are supporting you with your personal needs. They will not be overseeing venue set up, placing decor, coordinating with vendors, or managing your timeline. You could ask them to try managing all of these things, but doesn’t that defeat the purpose of asking someone to be by your side all day? We also have to say, unless they are actually a professional wedding coordinator, your friend or relative just won’t have the know-how to effectively communicate and coordinate all the necessary details with each vendor, so leave that to us!
While we are busy managing all the logistical components of your wedding day, here are some typical tasks a personal attendant will be responsible for:
They are who your wedding party can text when they don’t know where to go in the morning.
They are your extra set of hands for stepping into your dress or holding it up in the bathroom, and they might help fix your makeup or re-attach your veil.
They are ready to help with any touch-ups/hair and makeup fixes (and typically have a mini-emergency kit at the ready for things like bobby pins, Tums, floss, hairspray, deodorant, lotion, a sewing kit, etc.).
They will be a messenger, sharing updates with the groomsmen/other wedding attendants, bringing a handwritten letter or gift to your partner, and helping keep the two of you separated before your first look or first touch.
They will help the photographers wrangle your wedding party and family for photos, and they will hold your dress train up and take your bouquet when you’re walking around and posing.
They are who will run back to the bridal suite in the middle of dinner to bring you your phone or swap your heels for flats.
They will make sure your overnight bag and phone make it into your getaway car at the end of the night.
And just before you walk down the aisle, your personal attendant will likely be the last person there with you and your wedding planner, helping calm any jitters and fixing lipstick smudges or flyaway hairs.
Do you need to have a personal attendant?
Nope! About half of our HappiLily couples choose to have a personal attendant.
When considering if you’d like to have a personal attendant/bridal assistant on your wedding day, think about why you’d want to ask someone to fill this role. Do you feel like you’ll have a lot of nerves and you want someone unaffected by wedding party chaos there to keep you calm? Do you want the peace of mind that you have a go-to person available if you need something last-minute? Do you have a close friend or special relative who is asking how they can help on your wedding day? If so, having a personal attendant would be beneficial for you and a great way to let family help out!
But, if you don’t anticipate having a lot of tasks for someone or if you feel like it would be overwhelming to have someone by your side all day, you can skip the personal attendant. If you are generally a calm or chill person and you know last-minute things won’t affect you too much, you will be totally fine with the support of your wedding party and your wedding planner!
Who should your personal attendant be?
Typically, your personal attendant will be a friend or family member, but you can also hire a professional personal attendant. Whoever you choose, a personal attendant needs to have a positive mindset, a calm demeanor and kind personality, and it doesn’t hurt when they have a talent for keeping things organized! You might love your friend dearly but if they are disorganized, have a loud personality, or they are constantly running late, they probably aren’t the best fit for being a personal attendant.
When considering who to ask to be your personal attendant, we have one important rule: Don’t designate someone to be your personal attendant just because you want them to feel included.
If someone has expressed interest in helping you, that’s great and you should ask them! But, a lot of times, it seems that brides want to add a personal attendant because they don’t want someone to feel “left out” if they didn’t get asked to be in the wedding party. This is a tricky situation.
Obviously, it can hurt someone’s feelings if you ask them to be a personal attendant when they were expecting to be in your wedding party. Have an honest conversation with your friend and let them know why you think they’d be the best personal attendant; they’re trustworthy, considerate, calm under pressure, you know they’re super responsible and punctual… share all of their great qualities!
Make sure they feel valued and know that you specifically thought of them for this role, not just because you want to “make up” for not asking them to be a bridesmaid.
So there you have it! A personal attendant is someone who is dedicated to supporting you with personal needs on your wedding day, from keeping you organized when you’re getting ready to calming pre-ceremony nerves, to partying it up at your reception and sending you off after the grand exit!
At the end of the day, deciding whether or not you should appoint a friend/family member to help or hire a personal attendant for your wedding day is entirely up to you. Whoever might be your personal attendant, make sure you treat them respectfully and give them a thoughtful gift for supporting you on such a special day!
Prepping for the first look! // Erin Rae Photography
