Who Gives a Speech At My Wedding?
Let's talk wedding speeches! Who gives one and when? How long should they be? We have the answers and pro tips for anyone giving a speech at your wedding.
HL Photo
WHO should give a speech at your wedding?
Traditionally, parents and honor attendants are the ones who give a speech or toast, but really, you can ask anyone with special meaning in your life! Others you might consider asking include grandparents, godparents, siblings, a mutual friend who watched your relationship grow, or your officiant.
For the sake of your timeline and guests’ attention spans, we recommend no more than four speeches. If you want to include additional, you can have them speak at your rehearsal dinner. Traditionally, the groom’s parents will give their speech then.
It is also worth noting, asking is so important! Simply telling someone, “You’re giving a speech” is inconsiderate and can put your friends/family in a difficult situation. Some people strongly dislike public speaking, and the last thing you want is to make someone you love feel uncomfortable or nervous. Always ask if they would like to give a speech — and if they say they’d prefer not to, respect their decision.
Emily Paulson Photography
HOW LONG should a wedding speech be?
We can't stress this enough, keep it short & sweet — 2-3 minutes! We know, that seems super short. Well, if you want to keep guests' attention and avoid rambling, that's what works best. Longer speeches tend to include too many stories or inside jokes, which the couple may love, but in front of all guests isn't always the best time to re-hash your college nights or how you didn't think he was good enough for your bff until that one day… Your speech will be more memorable and impactful when it is concise.
WHAT should you say in a wedding speech?
Determining what to write is hard, especially when you know you’ll have to read it in front of all the guests! Should you talk about your childhood with the bride? Your frat house days with the groom? Double dates you guys have been on? We hate to say it, but sometimes speeches can cause guests to get bored or be thinking, "What was the point of that story?". We recommend a quick sentence of how you know the couple and sharing something positive about their personalities or how you know they’re a great fit for one another.
Our friends at I Just Want to Say Journals have even more helpful tips in their Wedding Speech Journal. This is a great resource for any speech-giver to help you find the right words to say and put them together into a thoughtful speech. If you’re ready to write the best wedding speech, use code “happilily” for a discount on the journal.
Emily Paulson Photography
WHEN do speeches happen during the night and where should they be on the timeline?
Most weddings follow the same format of speeches during service. After guests are seated and you make your grand entrance, dinner begins with a welcome toast. Typically, the remaining speeches begin as most guests have finished their meal. Sometimes, the person giving the welcome/blessing will also give a more formal speech, too!
If you are having a plated meal, you might choose to break up the speeches and put 2 after your salad course and do the remaining 2 after the entrees. After your VIPs finish their speeches, it’s nice for the couple to give a quick thank you to their guests as well (if you didn't do so at the start of dinner)!
Should speeches be before or after the cake cutting? This is a personal preference, though it will affect your timeline and the guest experience! Here are the pros and cons of each option:
Cake cutting right before speeches.
If you have a dessert table, we generally do not recommend this option, as it causes a lot of commotion. Cutting the cake and opening the dessert table right before speeches is disruptive — many guests will leave their tables to grab a sweet treat, which means they aren’t fully paying attention to your sweet speeches!
This option will work if you are having a plated dessert being brought to each guest at their table (usually something like a slice of cake, chocolate mousse, or chocolate-covered strawberries). While guests enjoy dessert, you & yours can get up and take a breather in a separate room. Most guests will be finished by the time you are ready to begin speeches, which will keep your timeline moving swiftly so dancing can begin right after speeches.
Erin Rae Photography
Cake cutting after speeches.
This is the “traditional” order of events on a wedding day, and works well whether you have a dessert table or a plated dessert.
If you have a plated dessert, waiting for these to be served until after speeches allows you & yours to take that break before dances begin. This is definitely the way to go if you’re planning an outfit change!
If you have a dessert table, waiting to cut the cake until after speeches have concluded is the best way to prevent noise disruptions as it keeps guests seated. Once speeches conclude and you cut the cake, this signals that dinner is over, the dessert table is open, and it’s time to get up, mingle, and hit the dance floor!
However, if your dance is in another room/area of the venue than where dinner was held, we don’t recommend this option — guests will be drawn to the dessert table and it will inevitably make it take longer for guests to move to the next room, which can delay your first dance (unless you do not care much if the majority of guests aren’t there to watch).
Some couples choose to cut their cake right after their grand entrance!
We think this option works best for keeping your timeline on track and providing the best guest experience!
Cutting the cake prior to dinner usually means the dessert table will be open for guests to enjoy whenever they’d like during dinner service. This helps reduce the post-dinner rush and long line. Especially if the dinner and dance are in different rooms, this is the way to go.
If you have a plated dessert coming out after the entrees, cutting the cake anytime before dessert is served will be just fine!
Cake cutting at the Hutton House // Emily Paulson Photography
There are obviously many more complexities to building your wedding day timeline, and the order of cake cutting and speeches is just a small part. Chat with us and we’ll help you determine what will flow best for your wedding!
Erin Rae Photography
